Inside the puddingland


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MySpace Graphics Your kiss spins like a dice in the night air and finds a shelter in the naked geometry of my face. - For R

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Boatman and some love songs




hours of magic silence


song of the haunted rain,


your voice travels to me
through the wet empty spaces
of the night


like an echo of faint desires


a kiss of the blue swords
of time


~


whirlwind of roses
and poems,


silver tears
in your amorphous eyes


calling you mine,
I speak a silent prayer
inside your temple of faith


bit by bit,
I sketch your name
on the white sand


farewell to my love
for winter nights..........


I finish my last letters
beneath the moon


~


boatman of the skies,


night after night,
your song grows more painful
in my sleep


your tunes weep
as you travel in my dreams


the waves never complain
of your trust
in illusions


I hear you speak
with passion
to the monsoon winds


you sing softly to the rain
your tales of grief or pain


like a child,
you stare at the stars
and wait
for her response


36 comments:

floreta said...

sweet with a touch of melancholy

zorlone said...

Hello Deep,

Compared to your other poems this one has a more subtle impression to the reader (at least I speak for myself). You took a different direction and it worked.

There is a surreal feeling about this one.

Keep them coming man!

Z

Chase said...

speaking to the weather.
beautiful.

ishani said...

spontaneous. and melodious.

cavaliere84 said...

Well...to be honest, either I am very stupid...or perhaps it's all just too vague. I understand that poetry is a very personal thing and that a poet writes for himself more than he does for others but still I think there has to be a provision for others to assimilate and absorb your words.And that is precisely what your poem lacks, in my humble opinion.

ps: among other things I think it's 'amorphous eyes' that irritates me the most. Is that a compliment really ?

cavaliere84 said...

One more thing > 'I' think poetry should not be a crypto-code that has to be deciphered to understand it.

Lluvia said...

It's beautiful. 'I sketch your name on the white sand.' As if you want to hold on, but you feel the slipping...

Brosreview said...

Simple and good! I like a couple of expressions here. Keep writing!!!

SandyCarlson said...

Such loneliness. Beautiful poem. Thanks.

Michelle Johnson said...

Hello Deeptesh, I finally made it over to read your poem and it wasn't a disappointment. It's beautiful. My favorite stanza is the third one. And Floreta is right there's a touch of melancholy. Perhaps a lost love. Have a nice night.

Jeeves said...

Really the first one.

Marja said...

the waves never complain of your trust in illusions" Love it
Well done I think you are getting better and better. Also love your beautiful header

Deeptesh said...

@ floreta

Thanks for your comment.I've been a bit upset with a few things and haven't been able to visit your blog lately.I'll soon.

@ zorlone

Glad that it felt different to you.I was experimenting with subtle tones in melody and melancholy.I was going for divine beauty.

@ Chase

Yeah,you always point out the aspect of nature.Thanks a lot.

@ ishani

yeah....thank u.

@ cavaliere84

The reaction that a poem has on a person is purely subjective and varies widely from person to person.Poetry is personal, of course, but it is futile if it lacks a universal appeal.I really don't know what you found difficult to 'assimilate'.....I don't anybody ever had that problem with my poems.If you are thinking ever meaning is going to reveal itself to you on one reading, I'm afraid you've got it wrong.A good poem needs to be read many times to be comprehended and appreciated.....they provide food for thought and every interpretation is absolutely correct....that's the beauty of poetry.All great poems work along two dimensions and it is often the subtler,deeper and allusive meaning that is more delightful than the surface reasoning.It's the suggestiveness and allusiveness of poetry and the 'deciphered' meanings that produce so much of delight.It is said what is unsaid in poetry is more important than what is said.That is the concept of poetizing ideas.Mere ideas mentioned in a single dimensional language in blank verse may well be called a paragraph....it ceases to be poetry.

'Amorphous' means 'shapeless' which when applied in the context is 'irritating'.But the subtler meanings are often more profound as I just said....it also means, in chemical terms, any object lacking a crystalline structure or powdery.Hence it emphasises the fine artistic touches....as fine as grains of powder.Words in poetry are often not used in their real meaning....u have to read between the lines and drink in the concepts if you are ever to appreciate.

@ Lluvia

great interpretation there!something fleeting and not permanent....

@ Brosreview

Thanks.Please tell me your favourite expressions.

@ Sandy Carlson

You hit the nail on the head.That's where this poem came from!

@ Michelle Johnson

Thanks! well, the melancholy springs from the loneliness.To be honest I never experienced the sadness from losing someone dear forever.Yet, I talk about a lot of things in my poems that are virtually real....it's like a whole new world that u walk into as long as u r reading my poem.Have a nice day!

@ Jeeves

Thanks.The first one?

AD said...

i like this best of all that i have read od you by now!

somethin totally at peace about it!

Deeptesh said...

@ Marja

It's very important for a poet to progress with each poem.Thank u for your nice comment.

@ AD

My best work that u have read?Well,I don't know but thank u so much Seher.

Jim said...

Hi Deep, thank your for your visit. You have a nice blog, your poems are nice (and deep for me).

The Boatman caught my eye especially, my son is a boatman. In the U.S. the boatman, his kind, doesn't go with the boat. Instead they await in port to tie up the ship.

He went to France (et.al.) with us a few weeks ago and almost fell in love. The young lady has an Indian mother and a French father.
They still correspond via e-mail. She seems to be a nice person.

Your last 'stanza' intrigued me the most as it turns out that, unexpectedly, the boatman is female. :-)
"and wait
for her response"
Not who we expect to find in a boatman's role.
..
About a couple of comments here: in a poetry fine tune book I was reading on the plane the author stated that when we write our poem we should consider WHO we want to read it and WHO is reading it.

I.e. keep in mind the reader we want to attract. I have been thinking about this quite a bit since and do give that idea some consideration. :-)

I hope you will return, I mostly just post one poem a week and that is for OSI. My time for blogging and writing is precious at this time. Later on, ...
..

siras said...

hours of magic silence


song of the haunted rain,


your voice travels to me
through the wet empty spaces
of the night


like an echo of faint desires


a kiss of the blue swords
of time
Great opening. :)
Good work as usual. :)

"Sunshine" said...

"silver tears
in your amorphous eyes"

...are my favorite lines of the poem because these are the words that provoke the strongest imagery when I read them. I'm no art critic, nor will I pretend to be, but somehow I see Salvadore Dali's work in these lines--and I like it.

Additionally, my second favorite lines of the poem are:

"like a child,
you stare at the stars
and wait
for her response"

Several things come to mind with this one: innocence, astrology, wishing upon a star, the wonder of the universe, dreaming large, etc. I like these last lines so well because they can be interpreted so many different ways. Perhaps (if you like reader-response) I could go so far as to say that each reader brings his/her own interpretation to the ending, which makes it classic.

Subham said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Subham said...

its awesome man...keep them coming..I loved the feel I got in the vivid description of the weather...What I felt was going wrong was its title...didn't find any profound link to the context...else it's appeal the readers is something to be appreciated..good luck..

WarmSunshine said...

loved the love song :)
i again want to compliment you on ur imagery :) wonderful!

Shouvick said...

Great u are God

ABHISHEK SiM said...

hi deeptesh,

i m sorry. i m really late. was busy - very busy.

i loved this poem. "a kiss of the blue swords of time" sent shivers through me.. lovely. i m out of words actually...

good luck! keep writing.

your,
Abhishek.

Deeptesh said...

@ Jim

Wow...love your lengthy response! Your son's story moved me as it appeared to be straight out of fiction....yet it was so real!Hope he gets all he desires to in his life!It would have been lovely if the boatman in my poem were a female...as it is innovative.But as you see, he is the self-same person I address in the third part as 'you' when I write "you...wait for her response".So this 'her' is a pronoun for a different person here....the girl described in the first two parts but she has a perceptible influence in this third part as well!

Yeah, I do keep my readers in my mind when I write as poetry is both personal and universal at the same time.That's why your comments and suggestions are always heartily welcome....I respond to every single comment, u see.Will definitely visit u again!

@ siras

Thank u sooooo much!!

@ Sunshine

Always love your comments as they are so profound.You really are very sound in imageries it seems.I'm not acquainted with Salvadore Dali to be very honest.And every reader does contribute a lot through comments....and every interpretation of a poem is correct!That's the beauty of it....

@ Subham

Surprised that u visited me dude!Well, there was a profound link between the title and the poem.....how this girl plays a role throughout the poem and even in the life of the boatman......hope I made it easier for u.

@ Shouvik

ohhh!You haven't changed pal.Same old poor guy!Good to see you are still crazzzzy...I like u that way!

@ Abhishek SiM

Yeah, understand that u r busy.Anyway thanks for taking time out to comment here.That was eerie then.....right?

songofsea said...

Well well....one more great write up from you...
sketch your name on the white sand...
liked these lines a lot...
keep it up deep.

Saima Afreen said...

This is beautiful, Deeptesh! Enchanting imageries you have used that envelop the reader. One feels the pain of love intensely; its melancholic songs touch the heart-strings gently. I loved these lines that take love to cosmic heights:
"Calling you mine,
I speak a silent prayer
inside your temple of faith"


Keep up the great work. Thanks for leaving your wise comments on my new post ... Your mentioning Coleridge mede me elated .. !!

Saima Afreen said...

made I mean ..

Sriram said...

great poem mate... Also romantic.. U r provin tat u r a gr8 poet.. Keep up the gud work.. keep n touch..

gautami tripathy said...

Cool love poems!

countries lay scattered on ground

Rye.. said...

Iloved it..
esp this part :

"your tunes weep
as you travel in my dreams


the waves never complain
of your trust
in illusions"

sorry I have been busy, couldn;t reply.. Really sorry abt it.. how was ur trip??? write in ..in mail.. I promise I will reply :)

bARE-eYED sUN said...

deep, you ARE saying more with less, and your words are lyrical.

love the imagery, the symmetry and the meter of it.

thank you for sharing

Racker said...

dude u are reaally penning down human emotions in an extaordinary way !!!

sujaan said...

sorry for the late comment... this one's more palpable than ur other compositions, which r often too abstruse for me...
liked it a lot... loved how the "waters never complain"

sourik_poetsparadise said...

ah! finally after a long time and dreadful days, i am here, my friend to comment on your poem...

'night after night,
your song grows more painful
in my sleep'
my favourtie lines from this one..i found the poem absolutely amazing..with well crafted metaphors and rich imageries...
i do find it amzing how you manage to give a different touch to each and every one of your poems that separates it from the other ones though i find them speaking of only one thing basically and that is , love and romance...

Keep writing , my friend! and do forgive me for commenting so late for i had been very busy with the college admissions and all...

Wishing you good luck!
Sourik :) :)

sourik_poetsparadise said...

do check out my new poem 'An Evening Raga', deep..that i posted recently...:) :)

Cheers!
Sourik

An angel incognito said...

Lovely poem...This is one of the most beautiful poem i have ever read...The best part of the poem is...
"silver tears
in your amorphous eyes


calling you mine,
I speak a silent prayer
inside your temple of faith


bit by bit,
I sketch your name
on the white sand


farewell to my love
for winter nights..........


I finish my last letters
beneath the moon"

I love these lines...khub bhalo hoeche truly...Well to be honest,of all ur poems this one touched my heart..And the way you described the melancholy and the pain is really commendable..Keep it up...