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MySpace Graphics Your kiss spins like a dice in the night air and finds a shelter in the naked geometry of my face. - For R

Friday, February 20, 2009

The Song Woman



"She was a phantom of delight

When she first gleam'd upon my sight
A lovely apparition, sent
To be a moment's ornament"

-W Wordsworth


you come,
in the breath of a second


amidst folk tales and forgotten smells


as your song-burnt hair jazz up winds
with a hue of purple whispers


when the nighttime raga lights up the breeze
with a rhapsody of aimless tunes


and the music rises like thoughts,
to conquer the moonbeams,
and carve a rainbow in the sky


I drench in your nocturnal smiles
beneath a twilight of dreams and colours......


are you real, my midnight angel?


so many night-pills,
and so many unfinished songs


poems grow like weeds on your skin


your lips are the sketches of snow,
your brows the music of temptation


make me a disciple of your holy glance,
who submits poems and prayers
at your doorstep


how long can you hide metaphors
behind your smiles?


cross the ancient river
that flows between us now,
with a scent of dead lovers


and show me the doorway to those secret empires.......


mother me with your dreamy kisses
and distant odours


on nights of sights and sound........


did you once speak of love


as we waltzed across the floor,
remembering witchcraft and Shakespeare?


my song woman,
did you not complain of solitude?


was it the smiles or an overdose
of cocaine?


your celestial eyes grow dim,
and you melt,
like the moon on the mirror


and those optical spies,
their songs wet with an eclipse,
still pray for a miracle.........


sex or supernatural?


I hunt for lost codes,
inside the entrails of a dead city


what happened to the songs and prophecies?


the senses,
now a motion blurr...........


who built the rhetoric on the tombstone?


a creaking door seeks a reply...........







58 comments:

Chase said...

beautifully mystique, my friend.
just like the woman you described.

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Wonderfully worded, a whole host of images, I will come back later (when I have more time) to read again and comment further if I might?

Bluestocking said...

Another excellent poem. Are you going to publish them some day?

Winnie the poohi said...

Beautiful!!

"Sunshine" said...

"on nights of sights and sound........

did you once speak of love

as we waltzed across the floor,
remembering witchcraft and Shakespeare?"

Great imagery in these lines. Especially the waltzing--somehow you evoke a sense of mystique, as Chase said, and even something darker, with the witchcraft reference. I love how you threw Shakespeare into the mix, as well. That's a good poetic combination.

Tumblewords: said...

Very nicely done - your phrasing is a little mystical, a little magical and a little mysterious. A nice blend.

americanising desi said...

i am always glad that i read when i come in here.
you excel with words and when you speak through the written form, it is as vocal as you scream :)

Rye.. said...

You drench in her nocturnal smiles?
Taii naki?
:P
It's adorable and beautiful!

Marja said...

and the music rises like thoughts,
to conquer the moonbeams,
and carve a rainbow in the sky

This is one of my favourite lines. Your poem is absolutely beautiful
Great images Great work

floreta said...

taintative, waiting, wanting..

what a muse!

and of course since i love music my favorite lines:
when the nighttime raga lights up the breeze
with a rhapsody of aimless tunes

and the music rises like thoughts,
to conquer the moonbeams,
and carve a rainbow in the sky


well done, deeptesh.

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Yeah, wonderfully written,
love the images here,
and the music rises like thoughts,
to conquer the moonbeams,
and carve a rainbow in the sky
and
poems grow like weeds on your skin

The NaisaiKu.. Challenge!

Deeptesh said...

@ Chase

Yeah,a few others keep making that point.I'm sooo glad u started following my blog.

@ Bluestocking

I did publish a few in the Indian papers and my school magazine....I'd love 2 publish more someday.Let me know if u have any helpful links.

@ Winnnie the poohi

Thank u

@ Sunshine

Very good point.Profound thinking!
Well, I do love combining the most commonplace thing with the extra-ordinary ones to create surrealism.

@ Tumblewords

Yeah it's a bit unnatural...that's what people say.It's a blending of passion with mysticism...and at times,a darker proposition.

@ americanising desi

A scream painted with words?....pent up emotions?Very good point!And I'm glad u dropped by my blog once again.

@ Rye

That line's a bit stunning,ain't it?Well they come to me like in a trance and even surprise me at times!

@ Marja

That is personally my favourite imagery as well.Happy that u liked it.

@ floreta

taintative...waiting...wanting...

U sum it up so beautifully!And of course it's that creative muse at work again...like I said...the words come to me like in a trance.

@ STG

Thanks 4 appreciating my imageries once again...it's a word portrait after all.And I'm happy u dropped by once again...u can come and comment as many times as u like...u are most welcome at deepteshpoetry.I love to be read.

Sriram said...

Hello Frnd.. Nice poem.. U must be a great poet.. Thanx for droppin by my site.. Cool!!!

Debs said...

Yes, I liked the Shakespeare bit as well.

A word of caution. Try to be a bit more originial. In the sense, some seem repetitive.

Deeptesh said...

@ Sriram

Thanks mate.U did comment on my previous poem too....u seem to have 4gotten.

@ Debs

Funny that nobody said so.I really don't understand what u mean by 'repetitive'....I don't find any resemblance.It would have been helpful had u been more specific.

utopianfragments said...

it is so beautiful.
i love the music inside, in words in in rythm, love the questions breaks, and what i see as little 'osho' words hidden inside.
wonderful.
and.. i tried to look you up in the BlogCatalog but couldn't find it...
keep up those beautiful works
blessings
dhyan

Pongy Papaya said...

lovely.
macbeth parallels well used. you get better with every poem!:)

Errant Gosling said...

Beautiful imagery, but the story fails me. Is this woman of the literal sort, or is this a dream of dreams?

Sriram said...

Hi friend.. Nice blog with interesting contents.. Do visit my blog and post your comments.. also i have added you to my blog roll.. Hope u too will do the same.. Thank you.. Cheers!!!

Deeptesh said...

@ utopianfragments

Yeah,I'm glad u pointed out the music in it.No,I'm not there on BlogCatalog though it's there on my sidebar.Anyway,thanks 4 dropping by.

@ Pongy Papaya

Interesting observation there!!But I didn't use it as a Macbeth parallel...rather I used Shakespeare as a symbolism of love and contrasted it with the darker aspect of witchcraft.But any interpretation is true to a poem as a poem is often the work of the creative Muse(as I had said earlier)and not the poet alone.

@ Errant

Hmmmm.It's more like fictionalising facts to lend a ghostly or superhumanly image to a mortal entity.....it's where the real meets the unreal in the domain of the surreal...those elusive cloudy pathways that lead to profane love and the higher truths of life.

It's like doubting your own sensory perceptions and moving to and fro....in and out of reality....to create a suspension of disbelief.It reaches the climax with :"are you real,my midnight angel?"Think Errant,how real is true reality?

Debs said...

Some recurrent theme about jazz, music and the concepts of the 'poem' as an individual.

Deeptesh said...

@ Sriram

Of course I will.And I'll surely have a look very soon.

@ Debs

Well,the heart of this poem lies in music.As far as the concept fictionalising an entity to move in and out of reality goes,I don't think I've tried it before.Happy coincidence if it bears any resemblance to any other poem....I can't think of any right now.

Hope u r doing well and your fests went fine. :-) ) )

Rye said...

lekho lekho...
aamar kobita guli porte besh bhalo lage...and ur writing from a young age.. you'll see, in some years u'll mature so much more as a writer.. you're already so good!

Deeptesh said...

@ Rye

Thanks a lot.Sorry I couldn't go back on ur blog..I'll do so tommorrow.

songofsea said...

hmmm very nice !!
it actually has a feel of a Bollywood song.
i could picture this!

songofsea said...

Hey Deeptesh m here from Poetry train...
Hey u dint provide the proper link in there though...
Well i gottcha anyway :-)
Cool blog!
Do visit my blog.See you around.

deepteshpoetry said...

@ Debs

* of

@ songofsea

Welcome to deepteshpoetry.Nice to have u here.Do go through my other poems as well.And tell me about the poetrytrain button too.
Bye the way I'm not a movie buff; so I didn't have bollywood on my mind when I wrote it.Yet it is cinematic in a way;nice observation.Glad that u liked my blog.And I've just left the right link on poetrytrain.

anthonynorth said...

Mysticism with power, there.
Marvellous words.

Pretty Me!! said...

i m really impressed !! i suck adly at long poems - it reading or writing .. but this one was just captivating :) Hope to read more of you ...

Fledgling Poet said...

Mystical and deep...very alluring read!

Stan Ski said...

What a great blend of words to create all those images.

Jeeves said...

Very very nice one. Like the collage of images

deepteshpoetry said...

@ anthonynorth

Yeah,creating a mystic power is my favourite.So essential for romantic poetry.

@ Pretty Me!!

Well,I wrote longer poems before.I'm shortening them considerably now.I believe in economy of words.Glad that u liked it.

@ Fledging Poet

Yeah,so many pointed out the mystic element in this.Thanks.

@ Stan Ski

It's a pen-portrait after all.Nice to have u here,Stan.

@ Jeeves

I do picture my imageries when I write.Thanks.

@ floreta & gautami

Thanks for helping me out with the poetry train button!

@ everyone from the poetry train

Welcome to deepteshpoetry.Thanks for visiting me.Do drop by again and spread the word.Please leave your comments on this and any other poem u like.Leave ur URLs.I'll be glad to visit u.

Pretty Me!! said...

2 things,..... fish tank is too cool .. :)

n u have fed my blog link in the photo gallery...it will go to my log poems... correct it :)

Rye.. said...

lol.. :O
Well, I'm replying here...because i kind of find it odd to reply in my own blog.. janina keno!
I mean ..anyway, jaii hok..
Music...aaah music! You know, Ilove singing! and as I told Inam, I have written in one of the paragraphs abt singing a song called "Sway with me"...
Most of my poems..are imaginary.. infact all are..
pure imageries...mirages...
playing with words..i concoct them ...so you weren't wrong in guessing that!
:)
Stay well...and write in to me on mail when u can ...I'd love to read abt your life there...and tell u stories of my own.
~
Rye

deepteshpoetry said...

@ Pretty Me!!

Yeah I loved the fish tank when I first saw it.And how do I change the link that I fed in here.Please leave a comment in here.

@ Rye

Well,I the snippets that I wrote about are the ones that were getting evoked from your imageries.They needn't necessarily be real,yet they were powerful.

I'll mail u soon when I get time.Stay well.:-) ) )

Julia Smith said...

These are my favorite lines:

'and those optical spies,
their songs wet with an eclipse,
still pray for a miracle.........'

And I love your title.

songofsea said...

Hey there...so you got the poetry train button already!!!
Thats cool..Keep blogging..

deepteshpoetry said...

@ Julia

That was one of the punch lines.I was disappointed hat nobody pointed it out.Good thing u did!

And thanks for visiting me!

@ songofsea

Yeah,I managed to do it with floreta's help.Thanks for dropping by once again.

deepteshpoetry said...

@ Julia

*that

@ Pretty Me!!

I've replaced the photo gallery widget.I believe that the feed is ok now.

@ all

When u comment on my poems,pls leave a comment on my decorations as well...esp the fish tank and the food.U can click inside the tank to feed the fish.

Enjoy ur time here.

sourik_poetsparadise said...

'as your song-burnt hair jazz up winds
with a hue of purple whispers'
my favourite lines from this one...
the imageries and metaphors truly seem to haunt the minds of forlorn lovers...
i think this is the best of all the romantic poems that have been written by you that i've read so far...
someday, i would like to know about the 'song woman',for whom you write
'I drench in your noctural smiles
beneath a twilight of dreams and colours.:) :)
Please do forgive me for commenting so late...
was a bit busy preparing for board exams...
BEST OF LUCK FOR THE BOARD EXAMS!!!
Sourik

deepteshpoetry said...

Wow that's so coool!Such a big compliment!Perhaps you shall know everything someday.And I understand you were busy....no probs with that.

All the best to you as well.

Debs said...

Have you set this up as the latest chat applet on the net?

:O

True, Bob, True.
Times they are a changin'

Dragonblogger said...

Very nice poem, I enjoyed reading it. Well crafted and artistically compiled.

deepteshpoetry said...

@ Debs

No,I didn't.I joined poetry train and made some new blogger friends.

And hope u r doing fine.My exam starts from Monday.

@ Dragonblogger

Thanks mate.How did u find my blog?

anastasia... said...

[i'm really scared to comment because i hardly know anythin about poem writin].

i THINK that it was a great one from the technical point of view. even the imagaries seemed well placed and well crafted.

Deeptesh said...

@ anatasia

Yeah u are dead right about the imageries.And it depends on whether or not it appeals to your heart.

And Ishani,u are a very good poet as I've always said on your blog.Please don't underestimate yourself.You are talented. :-) ) )

Rye said...

"cross the ancient river
that flows between us now,
with a scent of dead lovers"

smiles for you...+

deepteshpoetry said...

@ Rye

Thanks again.Happy u pointed these lines out...they r kinda my favourite lines as well.

@ all

This poem featured in the top five entries in an online Woof writing contest.

Thank u 2 all for your support.

J. Scott said...

when I read this for the woof contest there was no question in my mind for voting for this poem. I love everything about this poem and I wonder why you are not a famous poet with work such as this.

Deeptesh said...

@ Jennifer M. Scott

Thank u very much.I love your writings too.

Shahwar Kibria said...

hmm..."song-burnt"...quite an imagery...

...but the poem invokes a sense of uncanny DEJAVU!

Deeptesh said...

@ Shahwar Kibria

Thank u very much.Glad that u visited me! :-) ) )

Deeptesh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sujaan said...

the woman seemed more as a personification of nature's mysteries and the glimpses that we get into nature's secrets...which are unattainable and we can only look at them in awe from a distance (and at best write abt her)....but later the same woman becomes more real, almost becomes flesh and blood...i personally like her unattainable and awe-evoking...but great job! great recreation of the song woman's beauty in the first few stanzas

zorlone said...

Interesting poem! This has a surreal quality. Keep writing deeptesh!

Z

artpredator said...

there are some really wonderful poetic lines here--I really liked the part that Julia pointed out also

zorlone said...

Deeptesh,
I am sorry for not telling you. It must have slipped my mind. Please join us next Friday.

Z