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Saturday, September 5, 2009

Parting at Park Street




"In the room the women come and go

Talking of Michaelangelo"

-T S Eliot


-1-


9:30 pm in Park Street,
goodnight


the shadows spy with furtive looks….


the shadows spin
beneath the street lights
and create a sonata in smoke


is this the way
it should all end?


is this the way
we should part
and promise to stay apart
till death brings us together again?


-2-


rain girl,
I’m walking away
all alone into the night


beneath the storm
and glass doors in the wind,


let’s travel the night
through stallion dreams

your dreams to my dreams
to our dreams……


and dice our destiny
on a board of chess


-3-


riding in a bus
that moves through sound
and time,


I discover
barren gypsy men


men who carry bombs
in their songs,


and songs
trapped inside glass coffins
in the rain


as the pendulum melts
at the refractive points
in my poem


-4-


rain girl,
you are sleeping in snow
beneath the September moon


rain girl,

where is your dream?


‘I have lost my dream
to my heart!’


rain girl,
where is your heart?


‘I have lost my heart
to a man!’


rain girl,
where is your man?


‘I have lost my man
to another girl!’


-5-


rain girl,
let’s hide the evening
in a kiss and sandpaper


together again,
let’s sail in moonshine
along the Ganges


on the banks of Kolkata



when the buildings rise
like stone serpents
or policemen walk in sleep


and the ash
of a few smoked cigars
builds a Romeo in silence


let’s drive all night again
along those yellow streets
of vapour


glancing
at the rain-stained windows
and remembering Eliot’s verses


-6-


a waiter comes to me
with a neck-tie
and a breakfast of bones


the necklace in blue
throbs in my wet coat pocket


rain girl,
I’m still standing alone
at the crossing tonight


waiting
for the lights to change

42 comments:

MKL said...

You sent all my bloggy friends the same comment :O Naughty, naughty ^^

Ok, let's see what we have, let's go strophe by strophe:

1 The contrast between shadows and lights, probably replacement for good/bad, together/apart... Unanswered questions, he's searching.

2 Rain, storm, wind, night. You use nature to emphasize how lost the character is, how big and cold and scary the world seems to be for him.

3 This is too vague. Ok, the character is on the move, traveling, but the words seem random, the poem lost its initial drive.

4 Dialoge between the rain girl and the main character. Seems like a dialoge, but its probably a dream and an inner monologue. Well done.

5 Main character is becoming hopeful, imaginative, desires rise, it sounds optimistic again.

6 This is a sort of waking up moment. I don't understand 'breakfast of bomes' (mind explaining?). Nevertheless, it's a good conclusion. I love the twists at the end. So was he in a bar and drunk? Did he sleep and wake up? He's definitely lost and lonely.

Now come to my blog and check my poem. It's shorter. :)

bARE-eYED sUN said...

hey Deep,
we were wondering where you'd been. good to see you again and that you're still writing.

as usual its become apparent that you don't really peruse the blogs that you visit and that you're just drumming up visitors to your own blog.

we could be wrong, but if you'd stop for a moment you'd have noticed that we have'nt updated our blog for two months because we've taken a holiday, as per the post that you congratulated us on.

however all is forgiven because you ARE talented (though long-winded; hey, so are we so don't feel bad)

anyhoo, we're on your site now to see what we can see.

you've shortened your writing a bit, Ginsberg must be spinning.

we like it in spite of ourselves. there IS something going on there.

mission accomplished?

..
.ero

MKL said...

Deeptesh, here is my comment. You were at the right spot already. As I said, I moderate comments and my poem is very short, unlike yours :)

I agree with what bARE-eYED sUN said, it's not nice giving compliments without reading. I read your poem on purpouse from the beginning to end and analyzed it and gave you an honest comment.

Don't you like it when someone really reads your poem? Well, blogging is giving and recieving, which means that you should at least read the post you compliment and comment on topic, then your invitation to read your poem would not seem so shallow. I think that's blogging-etiquette as far as I know. Take my words as constructive criticism.

I think your poems are very good and I'm glad that I have come accross your blog. Good luck for your creativity.

MKL said...

I meant: Here is my poem, not comment. Sorry :P

Death On Two Legs said...

This is interesting, actually. A lot of people attempt this abstract, apparently disconnected imagery. Usually it comes across as very wannabeish, but I'd say this was competently handled!

Jm Benavidez Estoque said...

You had a different style of poetry to me but I also like your style! :)
Keep it up friend! :)

sujaan said...

it flowed really well; i loved the lines

and dice our destiny
on a board of chess

so how's JU treating u? wat course r u doing?

Aparajita Bhattacharya said...

I read this poem many times. And here are my comments:
I liked the first part, but the poem somehow seemed to lose the flow in the next few parts. Also, since you are speaking of shadows in the plural, it would be "create a sonata" and not "creates a sonata". Forgive me for this, but I'm a professional proofreader and mistakes catch my eye very easily.
Secondly, it never snows in Kolkata, so don't use the image of snow. Hailstorm, rain...these will do, but snow? ("you are sleeping in snow
beneath the September moon") Or is there a hidden meaning intended?
Lastly, I agree fully with MKL. One should really read a blog and then post honest comments, and not just shower blind adulation.

Deeptesh said...

@ MKL

I luv the way u analyse it in parts like a matured critic!'The breakfast in bones' is a part of the surreal dream sequence and then comes the jolt of waking up!n I did chk ur poem and leave my comment. :-)

@ ero

Not really! I do read the blogs I visit though I don't always leave comments.Your post really interested me but I don't bother too much about dates.i didn't notice it!n I always luv ur comments as they are so incisive!May I ask why have u stopped blogging of late?That's a pity!

@ MKL

Well, I said this before.It's not that I use blogs merely to propagate my own.I do read posts n what I learn from others helps me as a writer as well!I don't always leave comments.But when I leave a comment asking people to see my blog, I sometimes hastily leave the same comment.But then again, it's not true that i don't read posts.Anyway, I'll make sure people don't have the same complaints against me the next time around.

@ Anushka


Thanks u!I agree there's a fine line between the surreal and utter nonsense.

@ JM B E

Thanks a lot!

@ sujaan

Thanks scientist!JU is grt!I'm doing a BA in English

@ Aparajita

U r right about the third person singular number grammatical rule!In fact, I corrected it in my rough draft when I changed 'shadow' to 'shadows' but somehow I forgot to change it in the final copy.I've changed it now.But then again, the beauty of poetry is such that it transcends beyond the narrow realms of grammatical theory and poets often ignore such a rule for metrical beauty!I once did it in a poem on my blog n also mentioned it in a footnote.But this, I admit was unintentional, which is why I've changed it.

Secondly, I beg to differ with u on the 'snow'.I often use the 'moon', 'rain' or snow' in poetry as a surreal bit and here it was only a part of the occult dream sequence.Thus the poem moves in n out of it's actual setting 'Kolkata' n the surreal dream which creates the effect.Please don't take it literally.

And thirdly,I reiterate that I might at times leave the same comment at places in great haste but it's never true that I don't read blogs.I must add that I am an avid reader and take great pains to read all what I can lay my hands upon and only compose as less as once a month these days.

Deeptesh said...

@ Anushka

* thank u

MKL said...

Ok, Deeptesh. I understand you better now. Thank you for commenting on my blog, too. And good luck with your poems :)

Rudrani Gangopadhyay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deeptesh said...

@ MKl

Thanks.I'll add u to my bloglist.I don't have u there, do I?

@ Rudrani

Thanks!

Srim said...

find ur style of poetry very similar to inam hussian mullik...well written....

Deeptesh said...

I take that as a compliment.For I've been often accused of that and I think I've overcome that influence.Of course Inam da is a genius!

Deeptesh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
floreta said...

amazing as usual, deep:

and dice our destiny
on a board of chess

love this line especially!
not sure if you meant for this, but it harkens back to some classical film.. with the chess board and the man playing with Death. it's a movie called seventh seal. very existential. from france!

also like your references to kolkata and india and reference to color in: those yellow streets / of vapour

Dipankar Lahiri said...

I am deeptishified.

reeju said...

deeptesh dis is d 1st tym ive entered ur cyberworld of imaginations and to be precise "parrting at parkstreet" was rather a poem of poetic reunion for me although d word parting might have appeared. i feel dat at some point all poets are vagabond and so are you but this poem talks of uniting those old forgotten ties dat holds a man to his roots...the presence of the woman in the poem to me is another agent in this huge workshop of unity. individual and individualism i feel are very much a part of your poetry.

Amrita said...

god bless u!!..u r truly talented n keep writing more often..god bless yet again!!..

Deeptesh said...

@ floreta

Well, I haven't seen that film but I've, as u guessed, used the imagery of chess to denote a strategical game of fate.And Kolkata has always been my poetic obsession!

@ Dipankar

n I'm flattered!!

@ reeju

That's a very interesting point.Some incisive and unorthodox research work that....more like a critic, eh?Anyway, I like it n thanks for visiting me.

@ Amrita

Thank u.I'll check ur blog soon! :-)

Elise said...

Hello, you have the most fabulously wonderful site here and I had to leave this comment for you ! Your posts are beautifully written, creative and original too, and you have interesting pictures.

It's all perfect !

Thank you for sharing your site and best wishes.... 'Happy September'....

ishani said...

eliot has you i see.

... or perhaps another eliot in making?

let us remember eliot's verses and the women who talk of michaelangelo.

zorlone said...

Deep,

This is another cool poem. I like the way you ended this poem. There is drama in the last stanza.

Standing alone would be the realistic scene in this poem. It reflects the truth in a reality of life. We have always been alone, but there are times where we could be with another person. All it takes is a sign. That sign in this poem is the changing of the lights.

Z

jupta said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jupta said...

Like most poets, you do not know what you are talking about. But this poem is much better than the common run of modern poems.

Deeptesh said...

@ Elisie

Lols...thanks a lot.

@ zorlone

Luv the way u philosophise here, doc.Hats off to you!!

@ jupta

Poets don't know what they talk about?Pls explain....Can't u live without your philosophies for a sigle minute?Not even for a change?

Robin said...

An amazing poem.. it completely flowed for me :)

windless said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
windless said...

I quite liked it...soft, sweet and dulcet...good sense of rhythm, omissions (syntactic)are effective...u have a nice grasp over poetic idiom...now the flip-sides...according to me, the jerks are missing, I do not think poetry should only read as a joyride. words have their secret pains..wounds..cut them open...let the words bleed and a strangely powerful beauty would arrive...poetic language can become more deviational, images can get starker...another thing---the influences, they are telling! a true literary continuity is one through a break, a cut from the apriori..even Eliot would agree here...but you have the promise...work on...do not just be an Eliot, but also a Rimbaud and a Celan...ALL THE BEST---Arka Chattopadhyay

Marja said...

My favourite lines
"the shadows spin
beneath the street lights
and create a sonata in smoke"
I love the image a sonata in smoke
Great poem

Michiel said...

Nice! Very dreamy.

Srayan said...

Ur feeling of parting really touched me and seemed like dat i parted wid sum1.......true feelings really come out from heart and dis was really a piece of a feeling dat pierced ur heart and came out show d people how truly parting hurts ones heart so painfully..........i dunn wanna b emo so...grtzz on ur poem and continue 2 write sum more feelings which touches man's heart.....

sourik_poetsparadise said...

a true masterpiece is the least what i have to say...especially the well crafted metaphors and the portion where the rain girl is being questioned and she answers. The flow is constant and the movement from one frame to another very smooth...
Nice job, my friend...
Keep Writing!

Wishing you good luck!
Sourik

Soumashree said...

Hello.
I reached. Finally.
You are quite in flames.

Saima Afreen said...

Hi! Sorry, couldn't comment earlier... Hmm... So abstract images once splattered all around on bodies of words again that drift away yet get clung to one another like water droplets sluicing on a window pane. These lines remind me of rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam:

"and dice our destiny
on a board of chess"

Profound philosophy...

Keep writing, buddy.

deepteshpoetry said...

@ Robin

Thanks mate!

@ windless

Thank u for ur invaluable suggestions.Eliot is my favourite but I'm reading other poets as well.

@ Marja

Thank u so much!

@ Michiel

Thanks

@ Srayan

Very incisive indeed!Never knew u can feel the emotions so well.....

@ sourik

Oh! I'm honoured!

@ Quince

Thanks.I need water, I guess....

@ Saimadi

Oh!Quite a comparison that!!I'm sooo glad!

Subham said...

hey deeptesh I loved itd ending...the tragedy qite at the end was the most touching...looks like parting with someone has had a prolonged effect in you...if so..its gr8...I wud luv to read more of these....keep going...

siras said...

This is gorgeous. :)

"Sunshine" said...

Hi Deep,

It might take me a while to get around to reading/commenting and even writing blog posts. I'm really busy right now.

Anyway, down to business:

The second "verse" of this poem is my favorite, and the lines:

"and dice our destiny
on a board of chess"

are terrific. Once again, your use of metaphor shines in this piece. Mixing tokens of different games together really drives home a feeling of some sort of awkwardness, as if perhaps the characters don't fit somewhere or maybe with each other. I'm not sure the exact interpretation you are going for, but the effect works very well.

Deeptesh said...

@ subham

Good point there!

@ siras

thanks

@ Sunshine]

Well, I've given the interpretation while responding to Floreta.Interesting that so many people enjoyed these lines!Hope u r doing well.Good luck. :-)

Anne said...

If only I could read with my eyes closed so I may better reflect upon the images you paint with your words.